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The Witness Review

Luscious as a starfruit and colorful as a rainbow, The Witness combines a unique puzzle format with a very subtle plot thread - if it could be called that - featuring quotes about science, religion, and other topics painting a dazzling picture of what reality most certainly isn't, leaving in its negative space more of what reality isn't.

Visual and even auditory effects tickle the brain, making the player feel smarter as they go about their day-to-day life. Personally, with this game under my belt, my life is complete. There is no more that I need to accomplish, for the game has shown me that the world is already perfect - it is a masterpiece, containing many masterpieces, miraculous.

• Pace: 10/10
• Difficulty: 10/10
• Size of dragons: 10/10
• Music: 5/10
• Atmosphere: 8/10

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Previous Posts

2022

April

The key to the undecidability of the Halting Problem is the ability to quine programs. [...]

Be careful what you write, because you might have to maintain it.

2021

July

Only a broken computer can exhibit consciousness.

June

Master Foo and the Race Condition [...]

February

Learning to program without learning any math or physics is like learning all about even numbers without learning anything about odd numbers.

2020

December

You lose 100% of the gambles you don't take.

It's not how much you know, but how long you've known it.

November

Life is too long not to script things.

October

"I wrote a program", the novice told Master Foo. [...]

All assertions will be hit.

Sometimes to see a further galaxy than others, all you need is a bigger telescope.

Do repeat yourself.

The best code is code you can no longer read because light cannot escape it.

Try going abstraction free.

It's better to write something that's messy, repetitive, and unclear than to write a program that doesn't work.

September

The only bug-free code is no code at all.

A "good" computer program is the least such congruence.

A computer program is a congruence between the experience of a computer and a prehension of an actual object. [...]

The best code in the world does not use one of every language feature.

It is never too late to pop back out of the rabbit hole.

Tabs for indentation, spaces for alignment.

August

No matter how stressed you get, your code velocity cannot equal infinity.

July

It's always better to understand something somebody wrote than to write something nobody understands.

June

If you have hit your computer with a sledgehammer, dmesg will not tell you what's wrong.

May

Colors of the Lisp [...]

Leave no stone unturned.

You always have to do it again.

April

When your program segfaults, it is time to retire.

Turing-completeness is not a feature.

March

The Landauer Principle is important. Understand it.

February

Type theory is important. Learn it.

January

It's always better to say less and do more.

2019

November

There are two sides to every coin

Everything I know about programming

July

The escaton occurs when all souls have joined God in the Kingdom of Heaven. [...]

We have no velocity, except like a bug caught in amber in the endless folds of time [...]

June

Immortality through mosquito bites [...]

Time is more valuable in the future. [...]

May

Whenever you see a minus sign, look for the definite integral. [...]

Don't be too concerned if your integral diverges. [...]

Idea for a QA process at a flashlight factory. [...]

Quantum Physics for Dummies Review (3/10) [...]

April

Cut now, measure later [...]

Sometimes you need to stretch in the opposite direction than you think. [...]

Candide asked Pangloss, "What is the purpose of the computer?" [...]

Someone once asked me how I write computer programs. [...]

Do it again, computers.

March

Why is it that when we switch off of DST, I stay up four hours later?

Which is older: time or rhyme? [...]

Bitcoin is getting about ready to dip to $2,000. Hold onto your keys!

Pro tip: When building a water-cooled PC, consider organizing the plumbing so that water is pumped downhill from your reservoir - and then uphill through all of your hardware - so that any air bubbles in the system are forced upward and out to your reservoir, rather than downward against the flow of water.

Excess in excess, moderation in moderation.

February

I think I found the best way to get a cable out of a box of cables: find one of the connectors you're looking for, and then pull on it.

Sometimes it's just one segfault after another.

January

Look, you only get 90 Christmases, and some people manage to ruin their teeth in half that many, or less. So I'm not going to eat this Christmas caramel.

If you keep trying to move forward, but always seem to move laterally instead... [...]

I bet that in The Witness you play as God, and that a single game consists of expressions of the lives of every human, plant, animal, and alien life in the cosmos.

Life is like a barrel of onions.

How much gold do you think Jeff Bezos has in his body?

The Witness Review [...]

I know what I've said may come as a shock, or not be what you expected, but keep your boots on the ground and your eyes on the horizon.

2018

December

The code form shall move and twist and generate.

Maybe after taking successor and limit ordinals to an unknowable height, the answer is again 0.

What's your secret? Your teeth are so healthy [...]

Pro tip: Make sure you are not an expert in shit skills. [...]

November

Bitcoin is going down to $2000, and then up to $200,000. [...]

October

Impossible Problems [...]

Life Hack: Set All of Your Clocks to UTC [...]

September

Went outside to clip toenails. Realized it was the witching hour. Went back inside.

The universe is not so poorly designed that you can make all the right choices and still get fucked, or maybe I'm just privileged.

June

How to be a master programmer [...]

My laptop is, once again, better than my desktop. [...]

Nginx Is Bizarre [...]

Resources are there for you to use - books to read, videos to watch. [...]

May

MySQL Transactions [...]

April

Little did I know, 2 years later I would still be fixing the textarea resize NaN bug. [...]

Stackoverflow pro tip: Downvote a bunch of posts to lower your own rep. Then, people will think you are some sort of prodigy based on the number of badges you have as compared to your rep.

Let's rewrite emacs in emacs lisp!

It's not impossible, just tricky.

The things you learn when you read the source code.

Would you rather be poor but remembered at the end of time, or extremely wealthy but forgotten within a millenium?

z = i==0?1:i==1?3:i*2+1

No Algorithm [...]

From duality comes unity. From unity comes duality.

sudo sudo [...]

You can ignore the world, but can you ignore your ignorance?

var randomDieRoll = function () { var randomNumber = Math.floor(10000 * Math.random()); return randomNumber < 6 ? randomNumber + 1 : randomDieRoll());

March

Kitty is so kitty!!! [...]

If you put a thousand monkeys into a thousand rooms for a thousand years, how many monkeys will you put in rooms in total?

Git clones emacs config on a new system [...]

I just put my computer clock in UTC. No more DST for me. From now on, I only tell the time by trusted clocks. [...]

There is always a time zones bug.

Machine learning is linear regression. [...]

Daylight savings time is why we can't have nice things.

Memes are so 2018.

Why We Definitely Do Not Live In A Simulation [...]

I am so lazy, I don't even begin programming until I can push one button and the completed program pops into my text editor.

February

Does the Pauli exclusion principle apply to souls?

Is it Monday in Africa?????

Free SSL For All [...]

W3C Working Group [...]

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to see or hear it, what tree?

January

Have you ever been LOOKED INTO THE EYE? [...]

2017

December

Merry Grav-Mass!

The Browser is Dead [...]

Windows 7 Screensavers [...]

Pro tip: SSL certs are free.

November

DRY Coding [...]

Net neutrality is already dead.

What does being a Haxxor look like? [...]

My 105th Meme [...]

October

On the 8th day... [...]

How Not to Bypass Activation Lock on an iPhone 4S [...]

If register forms were honest... [...]

Great work, Microsoft. [...]

We are the solution to the halting problem.

The Good Life [...]

How to use Emacs (without developing (as much) RSI) [...]

Wakes up and goes to computer [...]

September

How to Process Mouse Events in a 3D Scene, Part 3 [...]

How to Process Mouse Events in a 3D Scene, Part 2 [...]

How to Process Mouse Events in a 3D Scene, Part 1 [...]

How to Process Mouse Events in a 3D Scene [...]

The Recursive Right [...]

Programming is getting rid of code.

August

Open Problem: Shearing Vitali Sets [...]

May

The Healthy Specimen [...]

How to Use Vim (without developing (as much) RSI) [...]

April

Is it just me, or does Wietse Venema kind of look like a letter? [...]

Best Games [...]

Asians for President! [...]

January

Watched meat never spoils.

Practiced Once [...]

If you enter a program's output into your computer, does it generate electricity?

Do not be afraid to be still. [...]

2016

December

There are times when an upvote is more powerful than a post.

Always create braces in pairs.

November

Squirrels are way cooler than humans. [...]

Computers can be applied to any problem.

It is a great honor to be alive now rather than later. [...]

October

I don't know what you guys are so worried about, the universe is just coming to thermodynamic equilibrium.

If you have a problem, a good place to start is usually by letting t go from 0 to 1.

if you're ever feeling down just remember even ln(x) goes to infinity

September

slnpileg si rapxopteiymal ocmuatmvite

The second law of thermodynamics states that entropy always increases. However, an insight is practically a decrease in entropy.

Every statement is false, except this one.

The truth is already known, it cannot be taught. It's just buried under beliefs and rituals.

There is still gold in the ground.

Which fundamental problem of the universe should I choose to spend my life on? [...]

August

What impresses me most about software is how finite source code can have an endless supply of bugs.

The universe has one of everything [...]

the world, 2016 [...]

July

"Captain Benjamin Sisko" - Captain Benjamin Sisko [...]

how my floor gets cleaned [...]

languages come and go, but sed is timeless

Meaning of Life [...]

It speaks english. [...]

Day and night create an illusion that time passes in routine cycles. [...]

the most important ingredient in any food is love

The universe is your body. [...]

Behave yourself and don't worry about the law. [...]

The game of life is most enjoyable when you realize that you are the player - Gordon Freeman

Sometimes, false. [...]

if only changing your mind were as easy as changing an electron's spin along a given axis in a stern-gerlach apparatus... [...]

Dvorak Problems [...]

we may have consistency, but only god has omega-consistency

The mind is a little like a gyroscope, it never moves in the direction you push it - Richard Feynman

all physical constants should be set to 1

never draw aggro from the establishment

Rules of Psych Ops [...]

There is no path to enlightenment, we are only human. - Thich Nhat Hanh

Since the release of the Tubmans in 2016 collectors have turned an eye toward the vintage Jacksons, some now selling for over $30.

Turns out human body temperature is approximately pi^pi degrees Celsius, another stunning example of mathematics in nature.

Push all the buttons, turn all the cranks, and pull all the levers. Good formula for both life and games. - Gordon Freeman

Data Streams [...]

April

Timmy Wallace [...]

March

A Tale of Two Axioms [...]

2015

October

Databases and Types [...]

June

100% accurate history of computers [...]

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