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The Witness Review

Luscious as a starfruit and colorful as a rainbow, The Witness combines a unique puzzle format with a very subtle plot thread - if it could be called that - featuring quotes about science, religion, and other topics painting a dazzling picture of what reality most certainly isn't, leaving in its negative space more of what reality isn't.

Visual and even auditory effects tickle the brain, making the player feel smarter as they go about their day-to-day life. Personally, with this game under my belt, my life is complete. There is no more that I need to accomplish, for the game has shown me that the world is already perfect - it is a masterpiece, containing many masterpieces, miraculous.

• Pace: 10/10
• Difficulty: 10/10
• Size of dragons: 10/10
• Music: 5/10
• Atmosphere: 8/10

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Previous Posts

2020

November

Life is too long not to script things.

October

"I wrote a program", the novice told Master Foo.

All assertions will be hit.

Sometimes to see a further galaxy than others, all you need is a bigger telescope.

Do repeat yourself.

The best code is code you can no longer read because light cannot escape it.

Try going abstraction free.

It's better to write something that's messy, repetitive, and unclear than to write a program that doesn't work.

September

The only bug-free code is no code at all.

A "good" computer program is the least such congruence.

A computer program is a congruence between the experience of a computer and a prehension of an actual object.

The best code in the world does not use one of every language feature.

It is never too late to pop back out of the rabbit hole.

Tabs for indentation, spaces for alignment.

August

No matter how stressed you get, your code velocity cannot equal infinity.

July

It's always better to understand something somebody wrote than to write something nobody understands.

June

If you have hit your computer with a sledgehammer, dmesg will not tell you what's wrong.

May

Colors of the Lisp

Leave no stone unturned.

You always have to do it again.

April

When your program segfaults, it is time to retire.

Turing-completeness is not a feature.

March

The Landauer Principle is important. Understand it.

February

Type theory is important. Learn it.

January

It's always better to say less and do more.

2019

November

There are two sides to every coin

Everything I know about programming

July

The escaton occurs when all souls have joined God in the Kingdom of Heaven.

We have no velocity, except like a bug caught in amber in the endless folds of time

June

Immortality through mosquito bites

Time is more valuable in the future.

May

Whenever you see a minus sign, look for the definite integral.

Don't be too concerned if your integral diverges.

Idea for a QA process at a flashlight factory.

Quantum Physics for Dummies Review (3/10)

April

Cut now, measure later

Sometimes you need to stretch in the opposite direction than you think.

Candide asked Pangloss, "What is the purpose of the computer?"

Someone once asked me how I write computer programs.

Do it again, computers.

March

Why is it that when we switch off of DST, I stay up four hours later?

Which is older: time or rhyme?

Bitcoin is getting about ready to dip to $2,000. Hold onto your keys!

Pro tip: When building a water-cooled PC, consider organizing the plumbing so that water is pumped downhill from your reservoir - and then uphill through all of your hardware - so that any air bubbles in the system are forced upward and out to your reservoir, rather than downward against the flow of water.

Excess in excess, moderation in moderation.

February

I think I found the best way to get a cable out of a box of cables: find one of the connectors you're looking for, and then pull on it.

Sometimes it's just one segfault after another.

January

Look, you only get 90 Christmases, and some people manage to ruin their teeth in half that many, or less. So I'm not going to eat this Christmas caramel.

If you keep trying to move forward, but always seem to move laterally instead...

I bet that in The Witness you play as God, and that a single game consists of expressions of the lives of every human, plant, animal, and alien life in the cosmos.

Life is like a barrel of onions.

How much gold do you think Jeff Bezos has in his body?

The Witness Review

I know what I've said may come as a shock, or not be what you expected, but keep your boots on the ground and your eyes on the horizon.

2018

December

The code form shall move and twist and generate.

I think I found the cure for autism.

Maybe after taking successor and limit ordinals to an unknowable height, the answer is again 0.

What's your secret? Your teeth are so healthy

Pro tip: Make sure you are not an expert in shit skills.

November

Bitcoin is going down to $2000, and then up to $200,000.

October

Impossible Problems

Life Hack: Set All of Your Clocks to UTC

September

Went outside to clip toenails. Realized it was the witching hour. Went back inside.

The universe is not so poorly designed that you can make all the right choices and still get fucked, or maybe I'm just privileged.

June

How to be a master programmer

My laptop is, once again, better than my desktop.

Nginx Is Bizarre

Resources are there for you to use - books to read, videos to watch.

May

MySQL Transactions

April

Little did I know, 2 years later I would still be fixing the textarea resize NaN bug.

Stackoverflow pro tip: Downvote a bunch of posts to lower your own rep. Then, people will think you are some sort of prodigy based on the number of badges you have as compared to your rep.

Let's rewrite emacs in emacs lisp!

It's not impossible, just tricky.

The things you learn when you read the source code.

Would you rather be poor but remembered at the end of time, or extremely wealthy but forgotten within a millenium?

z = i==0?1:i==1?3:i*2+1

From duality comes unity. From unity comes duality.

You can ignore the world, but can you ignore your ignorance?

var randomDieRoll = function () { var randomNumber = Math.floor(10000 * Math.random()); return randomNumber < 6 ? randomNumber + 1 : randomDieRoll());

March

Kitty is so kitty!!!

If you put a thousand monkeys into a thousand rooms for a thousand years, how many monkeys will you put in rooms in total?

Git clones emacs config on a new system

I just put my computer clock in UTC. No more DST for me. From now on, I only tell the time by trusted clocks.

There is always a time zones bug.

Machine learning is linear regression.

Daylight savings time is why we can't have nice things.

Memes are so 2018.

Why We Definitely Do Not Live In A Simulation

I am so lazy, I don't even begin programming until I can push one button and the completed program pops into my text editor.

February

Does the Pauli exclusion principle apply to souls?

Is it Monday in Africa?????

Free SSL For All

W3C Working Group

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to see or hear it, what tree?

January

Have you ever been LOOKED INTO THE EYE?

2017

December

Merry Grav-Mass!

The Browser is Dead

Windows 7 Screensavers

Pro tip: SSL certs are free.

November

Net neutrality is already dead.

What does being a Haxxor look like?

October

On the 8th day...

How Not to Bypass Activation Lock on an iPhone 4S

If register forms were honest...

Great work, Microsoft.

We are the solution to the halting problem.

How to use Emacs (without developing (as much) RSI)

Wakes up and goes to computer

September

How to Process Mouse Events in a 3D Scene, Part 3

How to Process Mouse Events in a 3D Scene, Part 2

How to Process Mouse Events in a 3D Scene, Part 1

How to Process Mouse Events in a 3D Scene

The Recursive Right

Programming is getting rid of code.

August

Open Problem: Shearing Vitali Sets

May

The Healthy Specimen

How to Use Vim (without developing (as much) RSI)

April

Is it just me, or does Wietse Venema kind of look like a letter?

Asians for President!

January

Watched meat never spoils.

If you enter a program's output into your computer, does it generate electricity?

Do not be afraid to be still.

2016

December

There are times when an upvote is more powerful than a post.

Always create braces in pairs.

November

Squirrels are way cooler than humans.

Computers can be applied to any problem.

It is a great honor to be alive now rather than later.

October

I don't know what you guys are so worried about, the universe is just coming to thermodynamic equilibrium.

If you have a problem, a good place to start is usually by letting t go from 0 to 1.

if you're ever feeling down just remember even ln(x) goes to infinity

September

slnpileg si rapxopteiymal ocmuatmvite

The second law of thermodynamics states that entropy always increases. However, an insight is practically a decrease in entropy.

Every statement is false, except this one.

The truth is already known, it cannot be taught. It's just buried under beliefs and rituals.

There is still gold in the ground.

Which fundamental problem of the universe should I choose to spend my life on?

August

What impresses me most about software is how finite source code can have an endless supply of bugs.

The universe has one of everything

the world, 2016

July

"Captain Benjamin Sisko" - Captain Benjamin Sisko

how my floor gets cleaned

languages come and go, but sed is timeless

Meaning of Life

It speaks english.

Day and night create an illusion that time passes in routine cycles.

the most important ingredient in any food is love

The universe is your body.

Behave yourself and don't worry about the law.

The game of life is most enjoyable when you realize that you are the player - Gordon Freeman

Sometimes, false.

if only changing your mind were as easy as changing an electron's spin along a given axis in a stern-gerlach apparatus...

Dvorak Problems

we may have consistency, but only god has omega-consistency

The mind is a little like a gyroscope, it never moves in the direction you push it - Richard Feynman

all physical constants should be set to 1

never draw aggro from the establishment

Rules of Psych Ops

There is no path to enlightenment, we are only human. - Thich Nhat Hanh

Since the release of the Tubmans in 2016 collectors have turned an eye toward the vintage Jacksons, some now selling for over $30.

Turns out human body temperature is approximately pi^pi degrees Celsius, another stunning example of mathematics in nature.

Push all the buttons, turn all the cranks, and pull all the levers. Good formula for both life and games. - Gordon Freeman

April

March

A Tale of Two Axioms

2015

October

Databases and Types

June

100% accurate history of computers

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